Tag: April Fools

APRIL FOOLS: Crime Down, Morale Up—LASD Is So Much Better Than Four Years Ago!

Today, LASD.News decided to take stock of the state of the LASD and, we’ll tell you what, we think we have some pretty awesome stats to report:

  • LASD’s relationship with the community is better than ever!
  • Sheriff McDonnell has really brought “the shine back to the badge” as he campaigned to do. Leaking that made-up Brady list to the LA Times, increasing deputy terminations by 80% and spending decisions that got us on Jimmy Kimmel Live really helped out with that. Feeling super proud of LASD–thanks!
  • Crime isn’t up across sheriff patrol areas; community and business members see deputies working hard because they know they’re empowered to do their jobs.
  • We’re taking really great (or even sufficient) care of our people.
  • Deputy sheriffs love their jobs! They’re working hard and kids in the first couple years of their careers aren’t counting down the days ’till retirement at all!
  • The sheriff has spent one minute in a Sheriff’s Department patrol car and so has some basic concept of what makes the agency not LAPD and so historically successful at doing more with less.
  • The cornerstone of LASD’s culture and leadership crucible–the tradition of the handling deputy–is intact and maturing a new generation of leaders confident in their knowledge of the law, policy, tactics and duty to the community.
  • The sheriff hasn’t instituted literal code of silence policies to stifle internal dissent or transparency to the community.
  • Basic deputy safety needs like jail cells that lock, patrol cars with less than 170K miles and working air conditioners, a reliable radio system, personally-owned patrol rifles, and sufficient air support are now the norm.
  • In fact, the Department’s radio system isn’t regularly hacked by anyone with a $15 radio off Amazon.
  • The sheriff puts his peoples’ needs and interests before his own.
  • Nobody knows anybody who wasn’t fired for capricious reasons.
  • Current and retired department members enthusiastically encourage their loved ones, friends and community members to join the LASD, without fear that their lives will be destroyed by arbitrary and politicized discipline or scapegoating.
  • The sheriff always shows up or at least makes a phone call when one of his deputies is involved in a fight for their life.
  • LASD’s handling of pursuits (including not using the PIT and praying other agencies will do our jobs for us) isn’t making us a laughing stock on the daily.
  • New deputies aren’t immediately lateraling to better run departments.
  • Officers at other departments aren’t well aware how miserable deputies are right now and regularly expressing their condolences.
  • People are leaving our care and custody better off than when they came in.
  • The department is open with the community and doesn’t always act as if it has something to hide.
  • The sheriff has made good on even one of his 2014 campaign promises.
  • The chain of command is strong: candid debate is welcomed and civilian lawyers aren’t directing deputy discipline.
  • The sheriff views taxpayer money as a precious commodity to be used wisely, not as a slush fund to satisfy his vanity.
  • The right people are getting promoted.
  • Coveted testing is way better than it was four years ago.
  • Our unions really go to the matt for their members and are standing tall during this election cycle!
  • Members of our SWAT team (SEB) aren’t having to compare use of force stats in deciding who will go in doors first.
  • The sheriff isn’t despised by virtually everyone responsible for actually doing police work and keeping the public safe.
  • And last but not least, there isn’t any experienced, tan-and-green alternative building steam every day, ready to make LASD great again.

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